The day of my flight comes and my stomach instantly knots up as the nausea hits me full force. It's not so much a fear of flying, more the irritation and boredom of going through all those hoops to get in the boarding area, then waiting for an hour surrounded by people you don't know and finally being folded up like a pretzel in an uncomfortable chair with nothing to do and nowhere to go.
I've learned over the years of horrible flights that first class is the way to go. But for those of us that can't afford the luxury of an extra large reclining chair replete with fuzzy socks and champagne the only solution is to prepare yourself in advance. While this won't make the flight exactly enjoyable what with crying babies and kicks to the back of the chair it will at least allow you to be as comfortable as possible.
Tips to Surviving a Plane Flight
#1 The day before
A) The preparation process really starts the night before your flight. Be sure to check in and preprint your boarding pass. This will save you extra time come day of especially if you aren't checking baggage.
B) Be sure to pack your bags and anything else you might need the night or even a couple of days before departure. Save yourself a headache and pack beforehand so that you can relax the day of your flight knowing everything is in place. Besides, this gives you that extra time your brain needs to process that oh crud moment when you realize you forgot to pack a toothbrush. Oh and just trust me when I say, pack a tennis ball, unless of course you get a massage the day of. Never thought of that one before. I think I might need to do that from now on. Imagine strolling through the airport in a massage induced stupor and resting pleasantly until your flight then falling asleep on the plane. Hmmm food for thought.
C) You will also want to set up transportation to and from the airport. Leaving your car at the airport is expensive so try to get someone to drop you off or look into shuttle services. If you are in an area with good public transportation, like when I lived in San Diego, you can even take a bus or train. Don't worry the bums won't hurt you they just want a nap.
#2 Snacks
Eat light the day of your flight. All the commotion and stress of a flight can make that chili you ate feel like a hard rock in the pit if your stomach and the gas escaping from your bowels is going to make it tough on your neighbor. On second thought...that might be a good way to get yourself an open seat on either side.
Pack some snacks to take with. Airports know they have a captive audience so they can charge through the roof for a bag of pretzels. Be smart and bring food from home. You may have to buy your water at the airport but you don't have to buy food there. Trust me, a microscopic bag of peanuts won't tide you over they just make you hungrier.
#3 Carry On/Luggage
Pack your carry on. This will include your snacks, something to keep you entertained, a jacket or warm blanket (trust me it gets cold, you might even need the fuzzy socks), a small pillow if you intend to sleep and some small toiletries packed in 3 oz containers and sealed in a ziploc bag. Your carry on doesn't have to be ginormous, in fact it should be as small as possible. It sucks carting around a huge bag through the airport making your muscles scream. Then you have to try and find room on the plane in those tiny little overhead compartments. The lighter the better in my book. If you are going on vacation then just check your bag, the extra twenty minutes at baggage claim isn't going to hurt. If you are just going somewhere for a couple of days then you just need a small bag. Save your back, pack light or check it. Exception of course to all those moms out there with their kids. I really feel for you. Good luck juggling all those bags, strollers and kids. May someone be nice and help you out.
#4 Day Of
Get to the airport early. I know waiting at the airport is boring, but it is much better than getting there late, being rushed and having to cut in line like a jerk, always wondering am I gonna make my flight?
After arriving at the airport say your goodbyes and head up to the counter. Hopefully you preprinted your boarding pass and can hop in the short line to check your baggage or even better head straight to the gate if you have no luggage to check. Be prepared and have your ID and boarding pass or confirmation number at hand to facilitate check in.
#5 Airport Security
Here's where proper footwear and Boy Scout preparedness comes in. Wear shoes that you can easily slip on and off because you know you will have to take them off. Unless you're like 100 or something. I think they give you a break then kinda like a senior discount. Also have your jacket off, keys and money all set to drop into a little bin. This is where traveling light really helps. When I get up to the front the last thing I want to do is stand behind someone who takes 20 minutes to load up a bin when I have all my stuff ready to go in ten seconds flat. Be a good neighbor, have your stuff ready to go.
# 6 You've made it
Ahh breath a sigh of relief, the hard part is over. Next stop head to the bathroom. Trust me when I say you don't want to have to go on the plane. You wait patiently for that little light to go out then start heading for the restroom only to be intercepted by some guy closer. And of course you can't loiter there waiting or risk getting reprimanded by the stewardess. Then when you finally get your turn you have to fold yourself into a tiny little coat closet where you can pee and wash your hands all at the same time. Avoid this uncomfortable situation by going before you even get in the plane.
After a quick pit stop go and buy the ten dollar bottle of water. I know the pocket book screams at this highway robbery, but you will need to stay hydrated on the plane.
All set to go now you just have to wait for boarding and enjoy the ride. By the time your back starts cramping from folding arms in to avoid touching the people on either side (I always seem to get stuck in the middle) it's time to whip out your tennis ball for some massage. Just plop that thing in between your back and the seat (it's definitely hard enough) and find some tender spots to hang out on. As you feel those knots melting away move on to another spot until finally you are relaxed enough to take a nap.
That's my boarding call. Wish me luck.
Lol she really did forget her toothbrush...
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